Mister2 Romps Thru Fantasy Football Draft With Natalee Holloway and Maria Sharapova While Playing Poker & Doing Fantasy Football Stastistics Analysis

If you read my posts regularly, you know that on occasion, the sweeter side of my personality tends to ooze out a bit. Recently, however, I've been very good at keeping myself in check while posting the Introduction to Fantasy Football series.

I haven't even taken a single shot at some of my favorite worthless (mental) institutions like the University of MeatChicken, The"Ewe" (Miami for our new readers), The Knitting Lions of Penn State, and Condom U (the USC Trojans). I've even been nice to such undeserving organizations as the Tennessee Titanics, the Cleveland Clowns, and the Cincinnati Bungles. Shoot, I haven't even torn into those few readers who email me with an occasional differing and unenlightened (for our Miami readers that means wrong) opinion from mine.

That's why it was so unexpected when the cruelest cut of all came from within our own organization. Yes, it's true! I've been "Pearl Harbored" (Miami readers, than means snuck up on and attacked) by our own Mister2.

The cut? I've been told by Mister2 that I need to write "Better Headlines". BETTER HEADLINES! Well how do you like today's better headline 2?

Now, Mister2, I've always supported you in every possible way. For example, when you went to Vegas to cover the NASCAR races and ended up loosing the entire StatLeader budget for the next two years in the Casino, who was the first one to stand up for you? Well...it wasn't actually me but I thought about it.....sort of.

And who was it that saved you from that job of selling USC "Tommy the Trojan" Condoms outside the Rose Bowl? Well...no one since you weren't actually doing that, but if you had been I would have thought about that too.

Face it 2, you're jealous. Why? How about the following facts just for starters:

1. My Fantasy Football teams (almost) always beat yours.
2. I have more hair on my head (OK, maybe only 3 of 4 more hairs, but still more).
3. I'm older and as such command (Miami fans, that means am supposed to get) more respect.
4. I'm taller, which means I can see better at the games.

You may think you're safe since you are still back in the LA office while I'm out here in DC. But remember this, the almost fanatically devoted (Miami readers, than means they like me a lot) members of my worldwide fan club will be watching you. (The only problem is one member is sick and the only other one has to work all the time)

So you want lurid (that means shocking, Miami fans) exciting headlines 2? No problem. Now let's see, who can I link you up with next?