Your Favorite Michigan Jokes

Thanks to all of you who took the time to send in your favorite jokes about "that school up north". While time and space does not allow me to post all of them, here are some of the ones I liked the best.

How do you make a Michigan coed's eyes sparkle? - Shine a flashlight in her ear
- George H.

My favorite Michigan joke? - Lloyd Carr
- Steve J.

It was graduation day at the U of M campus and on this day the stadium was filled to capacity, mostly to see Big John try to receive his diploma. You see, Big John was the most successful football player in Michigan history, but unfortunately, he hadn't done so well in the classroom.

However, the administration at the U of M had decided to give John one chance to earn his degree. If, IF, he could answer one question in front of all of his fellow students, the faculty and staff, and the finest graduates in the history of Michigan, he would get his diploma.

So here they were, 110,000 in the stands plus thousands more on the field, waiting and hoping that John would succeed. Finally, the President of the university approached the mike and spoke: "John, you have fought many battles on this very field and in doing so brought great honor to the University of Michigan. To repay the debt we owe you, we are going to ask you one question. If you can correctly answer that question, you will receive your degree, with honors. Are you ready?"

John nodded. The President then asked: "John, how much is 1+2?"

Well, John was really nervous. He had faced giant lineman form Ohio State, but the pressure he felt now was 10 times he had ever experienced in a game. Above all, he did not want to fail in front of the finest group of students, faculty and alumni in the history of Michigan who had come to see him succeed. After what seemed like an eternity, he approached the mike and softly said: " One ... plus ... two ... equals ...................three?"

Immediately the entire stadium jumped to their feet and cheered: "Give him another chance, give him another chance".
- Jeff J

What do you call a handsome man and a beautiful woman on the Michigan campus? - Visitors
- John C.

The "toothbrush" was invented in Michigan....that's why it wasn't called the "Teethbrush".
- Bob C.

What do you call a Michigan student with only half a brain? ..... Gifted
- Virginia F.

A contractor was doing a remodeling job on a residential home and was upstairs with the owner asking her about the color she wanted the master bedroom to be painted. The owner indicated that she would like it to be a light green. At that point, the contractor walked over to the window, stuck his head out and shouted "Green side up!"

While the owner thought this to be a little strange, she figured it was just the contractor's way of doing business. The proceeded to another room and she indicated she wanted this room to be blue. The contractor made a brief notation and again walked over to the window, stuck his head out and yelled "Green side up!"

Somewhat puzzled, the owned led the contractor to the third bedroom and said that she wanted it painted off-white. The contractor jotted something down, and yet again walked over to the window, stuck his head out and yelled "Green side up!"

The owner, now completely confused, looked at the contractor and said: "I don't understand. No matter what color I tell you I want a room painted you keep going to the window and yelling Green side up! What is going on?"

"I'm so sorry.", the contractor replied, "You see, I have a bunch of University of Michigan grads outside installing sod".
- Debra J.

A fellow walks into a bar after Ohio State has jest beaten Michigan and begins to tell Michigan jokes. Sitting at the next table are several former Michigan football players. The smallest of this group is 6-7 and 320 pounds. As the Ohio State fans tell more and more jokes, a concerned onlooker turns to bartender and asks "Don't you think you should stop him before one of those Michigan guys gets upset and hurts him?"

"Naw, he's in no danger with those jokes." the bartender replied. "You see, there's no one here who will explain them to the Michigan guys."
- Bob D.

Ok, that's enough for now. I have to save some just in case there is a rematch in the BCS Championship game.

By the way, thanks to the Michigan fans that sent me Ohio State jokes. I'll be sure to change the team and use them against you guys next year. Regardless of the outcome, It's great to have you around. After all, what fun is a rivalry without a great rival. Go Bucks